Life got lost between paperwork

It's the year 2018, I'm nineteen years old, and I feel like life got lost between paperwork.
I feel that bureaucracy is a dementor that sucks away the soul of almost everything that's worth it.
That nowaday's individualism has lead to a society in which we're told that the only real love is self love, so we don't hesitate when turnings our backs to each other.
That pursuing something moved by emotions is jumping out of a plane with no parachute on.
They make us believe that if our dreams don't match with the options of the form, they're not valid, they cannot become true, they're not real; or as they say, realistic.
And so we all end up trapped in this conveyer belt, in which our actions are reduced to decide between the options they show us in every planned stop of the way. And as time moves forward, the fear of getting out of the paved path increases. So we just stuck with the status quo, hoping that someday, the realistic course we picked from between the established options, lead us to that happiness they taught us about, but that no one seems to have ever found.

Albert Einstein said that it's a foolish thing to repeat the same action hopping for different results. So why do we all settle in the same path as other millions of people do, looking for the same we do, when no one ever found what they were looking for that way?

I know that everyone probably heard this more than once nowadays, but I do feel like we're all so busy making a living that we forget to make a life.

Is it college the only way to learn something you're passionate about? Cause all that ruled proceedings do for me, is taking away the passion from the things I've loved all my life.

And for once after having to deal with so so much suffering, I've found something good, something that makes me feel like the established path is far from being the only option to find happiness. Someone that's taught me that self love is not the only real love, someone I could live without...but as long as we live in a world where I can choose to be with her, why wouldn't I?

Why do I get the feeling that there's no place for me in this world where I can be happy, if I don't play by their rules...

The rules. Reason is suposed to make us free, but we ended up being prisoners of our own words.
The most valuable thing we have is our own life, without it anything else is possible, it's a simple metaphysical concept. And all the other things we've created to make human life better, should be tools at the service of the person, not the other way around.
But no. States are more important than people. I can't even get to express how much it freaks me out to know that my country has the right to sacrifice my life for the greater good of the country.

There's no inch of land or sea that it's not under some jurisdiction, all moved by the ironclad conviction that this planet is OURS. Like as we, one of the millions of living species, had utter right to declare that this piece of floating chemical components ordered in some specific way, belongs legitimately to us.

The legitimacy of a rule, resides ultimately in the person who is to follow it.
So sorry, but for me "this is how things are done because that's how it's written" is not enough justification.
Cause I don't want my life to get lost between paperwork.

Agnes Hightopp