Apology en avant

For my next lover;
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I'm gonna do wrong just because I'm too afraid to trust anyone so much again anytime soon. I'm sorry if there's a bit of fear in every kind word, a bit of doubt in every soft touch. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for maybe I'm just using you to warm up my bed alongside my heart cause I'm just done being alone in the cold. I'm sorry because I know that your name is not gonna be the first one that'll come to my mind if you mention the word "home". I'm sorry because I know that your arms wouldn't be the first ones I'll run into if we were in a room with everyone I love. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for loving you without all my heart and soul. Cause I will do love you, never dare to think otherwise. I'll love you so much, and I'll appreciate you in my life so deeply, and I'll mean every nice word and every promise, and I'll adore every touch, and I'll remember your face being lighted up by the things you're passionate about, and your favourite colour and your birthday. And I'll keep all your pictures and I'll forever be grateful to you for reminding me what life's about.
But please understand that if you still wanna do this, first of all you're gonna have to forgive me, cause I might not be the wrong person. But this is definitely the wrong time.
So just maybe if you're hurting too. Just maybe if there's someone else's name wandering through your mind at night. Just maybe if you too do wrong everything I won't do right. Then maybe we can be good. Maybe we can just be each other's company, and cuddle gently at the end of the day to make the winter less cold and the night less lonely and sad.
So then we can forgive each other for loving with a love that will surely be nice and sweet... but will never be enough.

Agnes Hightopp.